Snippets of Vagaries
by xShiroi-chan
Summary: Ficlets reposted from my tumblr. Various characters and pairings. Spontaneous updates. Snippet 1: Nanase Haruka never minded making sacrifices.


**A/N:** So I decided to revive my FF account with all the snippets I've written for this fandom. Since I'm in my last two years of High School (and IB is a bitch why did I take it again?) I barely have anytime to write proper stories so…

(I did start on a Pokemon BW fic that's super long and only three chapters in ugh)

**Pairing(s) for this chapter:** RinHaru(ish?), HaruNagi(ish). They're only there if you squint. It's Haruka-gen.

**Chapter Summary:** Nanase Haruka never minded making sacrifices.

**Warning(s):** Haruka being emotional (this was written last year after… episode 10?) and my weird choice of grammar. Some things might not make sense if you haven't heard the First Drama CD or read High Speed!

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Free! or Free! Eternal Summer or their characters. They belong to Kyoto Animation. High Speed! and High Speed! 2 are copyrighted to Kouji Ouji.

* * *

Nanase Haruka never minded making sacrifices.

It never really occurred to him that he viewed swimming as important because all he wanted to do was feel the water. However, looking back now, he knew he should've realised it earlier.

It started with Nagisa. Cheerful, hyper, crybaby Nagisa. Nagisa who had been bullied by his sisters.

Haruka still remembered that day clearly, when the blond had introduced himself to Haruka with a bright smile that Haruka felt could blind anyone. His eyes turned upwards into two inverted 'u's, and with an extremely high pitched voice – not like Haruka could talk, but at that age his voice was a bit lower than even Makoto's despite the other being taller.

He'd brushed the boy off at first, being someone who wasn't used to social interaction and people in general. It was only when the younger boy gave a disgruntled and dismayed shout did he catch Haruka's attention again.

Apparently, Nagisa's sisters had thought that it'd be funny to switch his swimwear into a female swimsuit because of the fact that Nagisa looked like a girl.

_"I hate swimming."_ The other had sobbed out quietly. Haruka couldn't believe his ears – because he never thought that someone could hate swimming, much less hate swimming just because of _that_.

_"I can switch with you, if you'd like."_ He had offered softly, no one – absolutely no one – in Haruka's eyes, could bear to hate swimming, and he could not bear to see anyone hating swimming and/or water in general. It _doesn't make sense_.

In the end they did switch swimwear, and Haruka went about his usual training – or, not-training because he never really followed Coach Sasabe's regime much – ignoring the curious, amused, horrified and weird looks from others. Swimwear was swimwear, to Haruka it didn't matter – they all became the same thing once you entered the water anyway. And Haruka was already prepared to spend most of the practice in the pool.

_(He was silently glad that Makoto had come down with the flu and wasn't there to witness it.)_

After Nagisa was Rin.

Selfish, crybaby, Haruka's rival-notsobestfriend Rin.

Haruka honestly thought that Rin loved swimming – that it wasn't just due to him wanting to achieve his father's dream, and he'd liked to prove that he was right because of the relay. Everyone was truly happy that day – _Rin_, and even _himself_.

He'd never thought that something else could mean more to Rin.

_Winning. _What an distasteful word in Haruka's opinion.

Haruka, unlike Rin, had never cared much for timings or medals or even being competitive in general, but that sight that was shown to him by Rin was something that lit a spark in Haruka's heart. It made him want to strive, and want to do his best.

Not for winning, but for something else entirely.

_For the joy of swimming._

_It seems_, Haruka thought, staring at Rin's crying figure, crouched on the floor, _that I've gotten him wrong all along_. He was at a loss.

Because he honestly thought that Rin felt that swimming was fun – that being in the water and being free was probably the best thing one could ever feel. _But Haruka was wrong._

_"I quit."_

Those were the words he never wanted to hear – not from _Nagisa_ not from _Rin_ _not from anyone_.

He didn't know what happened to Rin, but what he did know was that he had made Rin quit swimming. And Haruka had no idea what to do with the emotions that were eating him up from inside, scratching and clawing and biting and _it hurts_ because he felt like he was being suffocated at the same time.

_I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm –_

Rin's tears and words never stopped repeating in his head. Haruka ran home that evening, dodged his parents and avoided even his grandmother and flung himself into the safety of his blankets – because _it's painful_ to be near any water right now – and cried himself to sleep silently.

He never told Makoto about what transpired that day. He never told anyone. He tried to forget.

But he couldn't. He would never have been able to. Because he had hurt Rin.

_Rin will never want to swim again. Rin will never want to swim __**with me **__again. _That thought bugged him day after day. It was like a leech that he could not shake off, sucking on his blood until there was nothing left and Haruka was just a shell of what he used to be. _Just like Rin._

And to think they promised that they'd swim together again. Haruka found all of this ironically funny.

So the moment when vacation ended and practice started again, Haruka approached their captain, wordless handed him a letter of resignation and left before the other could even react.

Makoto only found out later on that he quit. When his best friend approached him about the topic – cautious, not knowing what brought this on, all Haruka could offer was a shrug of his shoulders and a look to Makoto – which the other caught and understood – to never bring the topic up _ever again_.

After all, what was there to say? Nothing.

_There's nothing left._

(Nanase Haruka never minded making sacrifices.)

_Especially when it is about swimming. _


End file.
